Autism and Gaming

Welcome to AuSumness.

I've got some pretty awesome information for you today.  I'm giving a couple of tips that have helped this entire family tremendously.  I have touched on it before, but there are a few modifications and considerations that were not in the previous entries.

Check out my chore charts I've designed for both of my boys.  As you can see they are at totally different levels of capability due to their position on the spectrum with my oldest falling higher on the scale and my youngest, much lower even though they are only a year apart.

I know there are a lot of folks out there dealing with all of the gizmos of today.  My hubby included!  Hehehe...We have learned how to "use" their desire to play on these contraptions for all of our benefit.  I found myself, in the beginning, being too easy on my boys when it came to chores.  Then after further thought, knew no one would benefit by me not teaching them how to care for themselves, their pets and their surroundings.

Even though it is extremely difficult and sometimes we try chores that just don't work, we do keep expanding our duties list.  Duties!  Hehehe...We get grumbles.  We get shouted at, but for this, we keep it black and white.  If your chores are not finished, you do NOT play games.  THE END.  You cannot falter with this.  Especially, in the beginning.

Allow me to explain how this might possibly work in your household, too.  When a conversation is started about chores, it is highly possible that the child is not listening to begin with.  There will more than likely be a barrage of complaining and excuses.  Like a machine gun, for sure!  Hehehe...

With a written list of what needs to be, there need be no discussion or even talking for that matter.  In an earlier entry, I mentioned our usage of timers with the boys for playing games.  (They get an hour.)  When we first told them time was up, we'd get bombarded with swearing and attitude.  When the alarm goes off...nothing.  They finish up their level (that one took a while for them to figure out) and put their games in their proper place.  THE END.  We were totally stoked at this very easy solution.

Perhaps like your family member(s), ours don't really like being "told" what to do, but when it's written like my lists here, all I have to do is point or shoot a look in the direction where these hang in the living room.

You may want to experiment with what you put on the list.  I totally recommend starting off WAY small and WAY easy to ease them into the concept.  My kids would freak if there were more than two things on the list.  So, we started with one and it was really easy.  After a few months, you add and or change to more difficult chores depending on your child's capabilities.

Ya just have to give this one a try.  

A couple more things I'd like to throw in here.  Kids really shouldn't be playing games more than an hour a day for health reasons.  A lot of reasons and deep down, we all really know that.  I think one hour is not long at all, but I find one hour at a time ok.  On weekends they get more time, but only ever one hour in one sitting.  We really want them to understand that games are not healthy and are meant to be just fun.  They need to know they don't "need" games, but may enjoy them when they've earned that game time.

Here's another VERY important tip for you.  Keep all electronics out of the bedroom or at least make sure they are turned completely off.  Phones and hand held gadgets should be taken out of the room one hour before bed time and there should be no devices one hour before bed time.  It has to do with the release of serotonin (in the brain) and when the body is preparing to go to sleep.  You may want to try this yourself.  People sleep much better when there are no devices in the room.

I wanted to keep this short!  Hehehe...So much for that, but it is just so, so important and I know many of you are dealing with the gizmos.  Use them to all of your advantage.

Keep it black and white.  The chores are ALL finished, then they may game.  Not finished, no games. This leaves no room for arguing and less headaches.  No games before 8 am.  This way they stay in bed longer and get more sleep.  No games or devices one hour before bedtime.  

When you keep it simple and stick to your guns, there will be no war.  Hehehe...

I designed this chart a while back and you can download it for free by clicking on the image.

If this is the first time you're visiting our blog, you may want to see this helpful chart as well.  We've got a few free printables throughout the blog.

Come join our group on Facebook and let's all try to figure out how we can improve our lives and make autism AuSum.

Bilingual and Autism

Welcome to AuSumness.

Last week we looked into outside of the box thinking and autism.  Today, I'm briefly discussing being bilingual and being on the ASD spectrum.

Both of my boys took a very long time before they started speaking.  My oldest would at least use words here and there, but my youngest didn't even say ja or nee (Yes or no) mom or dad until he was well over 5 years old.

My boys live in a multi lingual household.  My husband speaks six different languages and we use 5 very often.  Children without autism can sometimes have delayed speech when brought up in a multilingual house.  I thought it could have a lot to do with my youngest's speech delay as well.

If you have a non lingual child, I feel for you.  It is so very difficult communicating with someone who does not respond to you.  My son often does not look at us and he says very, very little.  When he does speak it's often poorly grammatically stated or not even understood at all.  It's often about something of little importance or relevant to the situation...

Two way conversations are extremely limited and rare.  Not knowing what your child is thinking or feeling is scary, sad and frustrating, but don't give up.  I'm going to go further into this subject on a later blog entry.

My youngest uses Dutch the most when speaking and when he does speak English, it's with Dutch grammar and very seldom in complete sentences, but we continue to encourage him and rarely correct his speech because it took him so long to even get started we do not dare to discourage him.  I believe part of what the issue is could be his perfectionism.

I too was afraid to begin speaking Dutch when I first moved to Belgium.  I was so afraid I was going to say it incorrectly.  I used to teach high school and had many students from Mexico.  I also saw their hesitation in wanting to speak English and later figured it out that it wasn't because they didn't know how or want to, but they were apprehensive about speaking without perfection.

This could be the case for some people on the spectrum as well.

Also don't forget, that bilingual or multilingual is double the vocabulary and a whole lot to remember.  So if there is a delay, no worries.

Just keep on speaking normally.  Don't ever give up and certainly try your best not to discourage communication no matter how simple the form may be.  I read a couple of medical articles about being bilingual and autism and each and everyone had the same conclusion and that was, being bilingual and autistic is no different than not being bilingual.  So there's a good thing!

Keep your sentences as short and comprehensive as possible.  Speak without metaphor and sarcasm.  Encourage verbal communication as much as you can.

I hope you found this helpful.  If you'd like to join our group and share your stories, ask questions or just want to be around other parents whose children have Autism feel free.

A Different Way Of Thinking and Autism

Welcome to AuSumness.

Today, I'm going to show off my other passion, scrapbooking and go into thoughts I've had and discoveries I've made with my boys and their different ways of thinking.  It might help you, too.

At AuSumness, our goal is to try and help those who work with or have family members and or friends with autism.  We are not "professionals" per sae.  I do have a degree in the Social Sciences and over a decade of teaching experience and I have two boys who sit at different levels on the spectrum.  I read like crazy and try to arm myself with the best methods of dealing with the many symptoms of autism.  I want to share my discoveries in hopes of helping others in the same situation.

We want to help people find the awesome in autism and we want to supply you with awesome ways to live with autism.

My husband was just telling me the other day, that we are so bombarded with all of this information, in general and with autism and we're rarely given solutions.  That's why we are here.  Not to just tell you what you probably already know, but to suggest things that might make your life and your loved ones with autism, easier.

Presently, I'm on "vacation" and I've had a bit of a "eureka!" moment.  I've always known that my kids think nothing like we do, which makes everything so much harder.  One line I hear again and again and you probably do too, is "they have to learn".  I'm not sure why this line drives me even more nuts, but I'm sure it stems from the whole different ways of thinking that autistic people do.

Here's the story...

My husband went walking through the mountains with my oldest son, who sits higher on the spectrum.  They've been on this trail before and my hubs wanted to see if my son could get them to their destination without help.  He did ok, but they got to a point where he wasn't sure and my husband told him to look around and see if he recognised something.  His response, "Oh, yeah!  I recognise the moss on that rock."

For most of us, we would notice the larger more noticeable things or perhaps the juxtaposition of the sun in the sky.  For many people with autism, they see the tiny details, while we focus on the larger picture.  As we know, socialisation is a very difficult skill to master for some folks with autism.  We were taught or perhaps it's even inherent that we learn through looking at others, but my boys just don't seem to get this.

I might assume that has everything to do with focusing on "other" things rather than the actual behaviour.  If I say to either of my sons, "Look at that man, there.  How he's doing that."  They might not notice the actual skill I'm wanting them to see and perhaps learn, but that he's missed a hole while lacing his shoe or that he has more eyelashes on one lid than the other.

My husband asked my son if he should leave this night or early in the morning.  I saw the hurt look on my husband's face when my son responded, "tonight".  Then he asked why and my son responded, "Because tonight I can kiss you before you leave and tomorrow I'll still be sleeping and can't kiss you goodbye."  I mean, how sweet is that?  What a different way to think about the situation and how different it is than what "we" might think.

Things are much more difficult with my younger son.  He's not very verbal and his language skills are very, very low so communication is already difficult to begin with.  Couple the difficulties of communication with this other way of thinking and things can get very difficult for "us".

I'm hoping after reading this, you might also have a "eureka!" moment or when you notice odd behaviour or hear something odd or maybe even painful, that you stop and consider that they may be looking at things completely different and they are expecting a completely different reaction from you then what you would consider from their perspective.

Don't be afraid to ask why they thought or said that.  My youngest just hates questions, but we still keep asking.  Try to be as patient and kind as possible.  It will certainly give you better results.  You may also want to consider out side of the box thinking in order to understand your children better.  At the very least, understand that the wiring of their brain is completely different than yours and try your best not to make it personal.

You know the saying, "seeing the wood for the trees".  Consider it when you're having troubling moments and try to see things how they are and how they are for that person.

I'm sure it is equally as frustrating for them as it is for us that we never think like they do.

I hope this was helpful for you and I wish you the best of luck.

Last week, I had a helpful, free printable for you.  It might help with emotional overload and give you guidance to help your friends, family and loved ones with autism or just in general.

Click on the image to get to last week's blog.  If you are interested, you could join our group on Facebook and as always, feel free to leave any helpful links in the comments.

Gift Giving And Autism

Welcome to AuSumness.

Autism isn't always awesome, but there sure are many attributes that give people with autism something special and unique.  For me, one of the best things about autism is how it makes me look at everything differently.  Certainly, outside of the box thinking is required and I feel like I'm improving a lot as a person because both my boys have autism.

Last week, we got into different ways that friends and family can help us and our kids.  I shared a story about my mother-in-law getting a bit emotional when JJ totally freaked at the money gift he received.  I'm talking full blown melt down.

My mother-in-law took it personal.  You should never take it personal. One of the biggest problems that people with autism have is inappropriate social behaviour.  My children are rarely grateful for the gift they receive despite us teaching them that they should be.  We show them by example continuously and it just doesn't help.  As with so many other things.  If that's something all parents go through, is the constant repetition in the correction of behaviour.  How many of you have to say, "Honey, stay seated while we we're eating"?  Seriously, we've been saying this for over a decade now and at least 5 times for every meal.

All right!  We've said not to take it personal, but that doesn't mean that you have to ignore the behaviour either.  Of course, if you're not going to say something helpful, then ignoring them would be best.  Hehehehe...However, there certainly isn't anything wrong with letting that person know that your feelings are hurt by their reaction.  Just don't expect that you will get an apology.

Remember, some people need TIME to get used to a new gift.  My youngest certainly falls into this category.  He might throw a present and even hide it, but three days later, he goes to bed with it and can't put it down.  JJ needs time to look at it, feel it, even taste it before he can begin to appreciate it.  So please, if you get a negative response when giving a gift, don't take it to heart.  Tomorrow, they just might LOVE it.

I would totally recommend asking that person or the parent what a suitable gift might be.  Especially, if ya think you're going to be upset at a negative reaction.

Last week I suggested that you should consider not making someone else's behaviour all about yourself.  I certainly don't blame the gift giver for my child's reaction to a present.

I've written a blog on giving and going to a special needs party. If you're interested in that, click here.

Hopefully our tips and explanations will help smooth things out and make everyone's life a bit less stressful.

Thanks for stopping by.  If you'd like to join me and some of my other friend's whose children have autism, hit up our group on Facebook.

Best of luck!