Autism And Emotions Printable

Welcome to AuSumness.

We're back with what we hope is another helpful edition to your arsenal of brilliant ideas on how to deal with symptoms of autism.  Download our free printable and help your friends, family or students when they are having problems with emotion overload.

As many of you know, emotions and social interactions can be very challenging for those with autism.  At times it can be difficult for some to understand and many times we're left shaking our heads, not having an idea what to do with all of this anger, sadness or even happiness.

Take a look at this helpful chart.  Print it out, laminate it and hang it in a place that's easy to access.  Remind the person in need of help of the chart.  Bring it to them, point to it or stand them in front of it.  Whatever method will help best with that particular person.

Right click and save to your downloads.

Right click and save to your downloads.

I've got two different versions for you.  Choose the one you need or take both.

Consider changing the subject and use distraction if none of the above steps work.  That one works wonders for our youngest.  If you can give the person time to vent or cry, than do that, too as long as they are not being destructive.  We spoke about destructive behaviour in a previous blog.

Thanks so much for joining us, today!  We've got a group on Facebook where you can chat with other people who have autistic children.  I've also got a board on Pinterest dedicated to Autism.

Best of luck!

How You Can Help Friends and Family With Autistic or Special Needs Children

Welcome to AuSumness!

On our road to finding the awesome in Autism, we often come across bumps or even broken bridges. We sometimes meander down dark roads, but it's essential to keep looking for the light.  We hope, through our entries on this blog to give encouragement, help and to let you know, you are not alone.

Last week, we talked about the destructive side of autism.  Today, we're looking at ways that friends and family can help us with our autistic children.

Acceptance:  For us, things started getting a lot better when people started accepting that our children have Autism.  We were continuously accused, by those we loved, that we were spoiling our children or not feeding them properly or they were not getting enough sleep or the worst, "they just HAVE to learn".

Especially, when a diagnosis has been given, it's time to take off the gloves and jump in and help.  Having children with special needs is incredibly taxing.  Mentally, physically and emotionally draining to the point where the parents or caregivers can become sick themselves.

Sympathy:  It's always nice to hear, "I can't even imagine what it would be like" or "It must be very difficult".  This is so much better than, suck it up, life goes on or everyone's got it rough..."  The chances are, those parents are hearing that from most other people anyway, so let's mix it up.  It's often relieving to hear these things.  The other things just infuriate or exasperate already spent emotions.

Don't take it personally:  This is a big one and I'll try my best to explain.  Often, autistic people can say things that might hurt your feelings or act in a way that makes YOU feel uncomfortable.  Never do this.  Do not let it get to you.  It's not an excuse and there certainly isn't anything wrong letting that person know, that you feel sad, unloved or embarrassed, but do not expect them to understand.

For example, I thought my mother-in-law might cry when my son got very upset at her choice of gifts.  For one, I told her I'd be happy to buy things I know he likes and she could reimburse me.  I've reminded her that money gifts are not well accepted and that most of the time, the boys need TIME to get to know their gifts before they start liking them.  Which brings us to the next tip.

Listen:  Listening is something we can all do better.  Take notes if you have to.  If you are going to ask about things you can do to help, make sure you listen to what they say.  When your friends are venting, zone in on things that really bother them and see if there might be a way to step in.  Sometimes just listening silently is helpful.

Ignore unpleasant behaviour:  If only most people would do this.  Look at the bigger picture.  How are evil stares or even complaints, going to change anything?  Just focus on the parents and give them your attention, not the child's.  Ignoring ill behaviour can even be advantageous at times.

Patience:  It is very, very difficult for some parents of autistic children to give you, their full attention.  It might not even be safe to do that.  Try your best not to think of yourself if you find you're in a position like this.  I know many friends and family cannot stand the constant interruption of my kids or me having to stop conversation to address a problem.  It bothers us, too.  It bothers us that we can't sit and speak for even just a couple of minutes without interruption and it also bothers us that our friends and family get upset when this happens.

Offer to babysit:  I realise, that this one is a doozy.  For many parents and caretakers of those with special needs a babysitter is not even an option!  For years my husband and I couldn't go out or rather, get away from all of the chaos, sadness and uncertainty.  Not even for a few hours.  There are very few people out there wanting to fill our shoes and have these kids for a couple of hours.  I totally get it.  If it is something that you absolutely could never dream of, then don't offer.

Include:  Another thing one might not consider that parents and caregivers of special needs kids go through is inclusion.  My high functioning son gets to do a lot of outside activities.  He goes to parties, stays the night with friends and does sports, but my youngest has NEVER slept at a friend's house and when my older son's friends come to play JJ is often not included in their games.  There are very little groups or extra curricular activities for special needs kids.  If there is ever an opportunity for you to include that person, then it would certainly be appreciated.  It would be an excellent learning experience for that person and it would be one fine example to others.

So many times, people assume that the autistic person is not listening or realise what's going on around them, but it is more than likely that they are.  Many autistic people do not look into your eyes or at you or do anything for you to know that they are paying attention and or following the conversation.  Do not act as if they are not there.  It's insulting and it hurts which is how you might also feel by their lack of interaction with you.  Talking about them, with them right there, in a negative way is a big time no, no.

Try your best not to take it personal.  Try to not make it all about you.

No pity party, please:  When I asked around to other friends who have special needs children, they were pretty passionate about their kid's uniqueness and do not consider it in any way shape or form as something negative.  Though, I do not feel the same, I can see why some might look at it like this.  Some folks feel like they were chosen to have children like this.  Can't say I agree with that either, but we all look at things differently and it is something to consider when approaching people about the issue.

I hope these tips have been helpful.  If you have anything helpful to add, join our group on Facebook or leave something positive in the comments.

Best of luck!

The Destructive Side of Autism

Welcome to AuSumness.

We're looking into the destructiveness that can often be a symptom on the ASD scale.  We'll share some of our stories and things that have worked to eliminate some of this behaviour.

The images I've provided is not even a tip of the iceberg when it comes to the destruction of this place.  Our couches sway in the middle from the unending jumping up and down.  The leather has been used in place of art paper several times.  I hang a large, dark blanket over it and I refuse to buy new ones until this stage is over.  (Still waiting...)

We have replaced FIVE beds also from excessive jumping.  They either don't make things like they used to or we've got a real problem here.

If any kinds of tools are left around, they will be gladly and vigorously used as destructive weapons.  Even toy tools!  Shortly after painting my son's room for the third time in 2 years, he used a wooden, toy hammer on the freshly painted walls.  My, when you leave your child unattended for just a few shorts minutes?!  You want to give them freedom and need to leave them alone at times, but these are the things that can happen.

Our hamster was even stepped on and killed!  He laughed like crazy while I cried and was so upset.  I kept thinking, "I'm raising a monster!" You talk about a warning sign!  I suppose that is another entry, entirely.

We live in Europe and over here, the walls are very NOT perfect and therefore, wall paper is the usual wall covering.  As you can see by some of my images here, wall paper and my autistic children do not combine well.

Writing on on my $50 a roll wall paper was a very common occurrence, for years.  We purchased an older house that needed restoration and slowly we made it to the bathroom.  We put so much love and care into this very used room and after two weeks, the walls were scribbled on.  I read and read, trying to find a way to get rid of this scribble and nothing worked.  Finally, after years of the sun shining through the window (maybe would not have taken that long if we had more sun.  Hehehe...) it's finally nearly faded. Of course, 10 years later, the entire bathroom needs re-doing!  Ugh!

I just leave this stuff for the most part.  I refuse to keep re purchasing all of these materials and re doing all of this work.

Another huge decorating mistake I made was this wall paper with a motif.  Both of my boys just love to pick at it.  Well, they used to.

This must have been the 6th time I've replaced and re wall papered the hall only to have the paper picked at just a couple of days later.  You can punish all you like.  You can beg for them not to do this, but it still goes on.

At least I found a cheap, fast and easy solution for wall paper glue.  Just take any kind of powder starch and mix it with a bit of water, stir and apply to your paper.  I have a tiny brush I use for quick fixes.

Here is an excellent fix to the peeling of wall paper.  It's fibreglass wall covering that you paint over.  It covers the imperfections in the wall, including hammer indentations, is fire retardant and can be painted over again and again for scribbles.  It's absolutely ideal for in our house.

I'm slowly going back around the house and using this fibreglass paper in every room.

Our youngest has Pica which is yet another symptom on the ASD scale.  It's when non food items are consumed.  JJ just loves squishy, soft foamy things to chew on and I have had to replace our bathroom squeegee half a dozen times before I started putting it out of eye and hands reach for him.

You can see the bite marks and the little pieces that were chewed off.  It's much better than the rusty nails and rocks that he used to chew and consume.

What works best for this kind of behaviour, that we have found, is relentless watching, reprimanding and even more effective, nipping it in the bud!  We often have to be very specific as to why this kind of behaviour is not tolerated nor healthy!  Let them know they can get sick or remind them of the times that they were in fact sick from consuming something inedible.

Another helpful trick is make them clean it up or fix it.  Of course, my kids are not at a stage where this is possible, but I sure do try and sit back and watch them try.  Then I make them sit on their butts and see how I fix it and they have to stay seated there until I'm finished so they see how long it takes and the kind of work it takes.  I told them, I'm taking money from their piggy bank the next time I have to buy wall paper.  Hehehe...

I still can't keep my youngest from jumping very energetically on his bed or the couch no matter what we try.  I've told gruesome stories of blood and carnage from accidents of people jumping on furniture and that doesn't help either.  Hehehe...I suppose it's this inability to not give into urges even when they know it is wrong.

I thought having swings inside and letting them ride their scooters inside might help with other physical destruction, but to no avail.  Getting them out swimming all morning, going hiking and many other activities still does not curb this urge, which more than likely comes from stress and or over stimulation.

Of course self destructive behaviour is also an occurrence and I cannot honestly say that my children never hit, punch, push or hurt each other either.

Consider these things:

*be vigilant whenever possible

*keep them busy

*start correcting immediately

*the sooner the better

*get help

*become aware of anger cues

*help with methods to calm down

*use positive reinforcement where you can

*anticipate and avoid triggers for destructive behaviour

*problem solve with them

*consider meds, but understand they are not cured, the meds simply "hide" the problem

I found this article to have a lot of useful information for steps parents can take to help with destruction.

Destruction is serious.  It can lead to future problems and it needs to be addressed as soon as possible.

I hope this entry has been helpful for you.  If you know of any excellent resources on this subject, leave a link in the comments.

Best of luck!

Big Kid Little Kid Problems and Autism

Welcome to AuSumness.

Every day we are looking for the awesome in autism, but let's face it.  It isn't always awesome.  When we do find things that work or read something that might help, we share it here.  Sometimes we just may vent, but everyone needs that at times, too.

Our last few entries looked specifically at food, the environment and other possible factors that might contribute to the symptoms of autism.  We gave several suggestions to try out and see if they don't help reduce the many symptoms of autism.

Today, we looking at socialisation, again.  As many of you may know, socialising can be very difficult for those on the spectrum and their friends and family.

I may have mentioned before, that when you have a child that appears physically normal most people falsely assume that they are in fact, typical, normally functioning children.  We certainly know what it's like to get the evil stares and accusations of being bad parents for our children's unusual behaviour.

Something with us that has started with our youngest son, is his age versus his mental intelligence for his age.  He's 10, but acts like a 5 year old.  I recently asked myself, does it make sense to speak to him and treat him like a 10 year old, if perhaps he doesn't have the mental capacity to understand me?

I must speak in short sentences and as direct and clearly as possible.  Forget metaphors or sarcasm.

He loves playing with toys for little kids.  He likes clothing for little kids.  He still can't swim and is much more comfortable splashing around in the baby pool, but according to the rules, he's not supposed to be in there.  This morning he told me he doesn't like free time any more because he is no longer allowed to play on the little kids playground.

I've watched him carefully and he does not harm or make fun of the little kids, so for me, it's fine.  I can't expect him to act like a 10 year old.  It's not always easy ignoring the glares, but it's just about all you can do until you are approached.  For so many folks, having autism is an excuse.  That's only because they have never lived with it and as we may want and expect compassion, we must also do the same.  We have to be patient with others and provide the best example we can for our friends and family.

We also need to be an advocate!  We need to continuously point out our issues and ask for help when necessary.  When I explain about autism at the pool, most of the workers there are cool about it and let him play.  I'll certainly ask at school what the deal is.  I'd hate to think that at a special school, age would be a determining factor.  Ugh!

I'm on the hunt for companies that provide big sizes and kid like items for older people.  Things like clothes that are fun, cotton, obviously inside out or backwards and easy to get on and off would certainly be helpful in our household.  Some kind of bike or ride along system would be great, too. I've left some links I've found, but still haven't found just the right thing.

If you know of any sites that offer things like this, leave the link in the comments and we'll be sure to share them around.

Here are some things I found that may help you.

http://www.happyfaceapparel.org/hfa/products-page/

http://adaptiveclothingshowroom.com/childrens-adaptive-clothing/

https://www.etsy.com/market/special_needs

http://www.bikemania.biz/adult-trikes-teen-trikes/special-needs-tricycles.html

http://buddybike.com/Stories/BuddyBikeStory-TerryLuke.html

https://tadpoleadaptive.com/adaptive-bikes-1.html

Best of luck!