Everything Seems Political These Days Why I've Joined Team Kennedy

Welcome to AuSumness, Dear Readers.

I cannot believe how long it has been since I've made an entry. I'll go into why I've been absent and why I'm back. Let me first say that I'm so glad you are here. Like me, you care. You care about your children, family, maybe your students, your community, country and perhaps also like me, the world. (I'm a total over achiever!) You care about the future and you want it to be awesome for everyone.

If you've been following, you know that my boys are pretty big now. They are 18 and 16. Can you believe it? I've been sharing our tips and tricks that work for us. They've made a huge impact on all of our lives and of course, those around us as well. I hope you've had the same result? We'd love to know what has worked for you.

So, I haven't been sharing in a while because things have been going so well. I've utilized the skills I've shared and our lives are just so much easier, now. I know it may not stay that way and we do still have our moments. I'll definitely share how working has come in to the picture, later.

I loved the blog as a space for me to get it off of my chest. It was therapeutic. I also really wanted to help people who were in our shoes. I had started blogging about Autism on my craft blog, The Cherry On Top. Then I had so many people reaching out to me, that I figured I put my findings on another blog to make it easier to link up my friends and family when they had questions.

I blogged a lot about food because that certainly is one of the biggest contributors to my boy's well-er being. Boy, Have I learned a lot more about food since then! Maybe I'll share more of that in the future.

One of my favorite and also one of our most popular blogs can be found here. What NOT to Tell Parents of Autistic Children It is cheeky and full of sass. It's a great resource to share around and you may get a giggle or two out of it. Hopefully, you'll be reconfirming it all and feeling so much better knowing you are not alone.

In the beginning, I couldn't find anything of value about Autism. I joined all of the BIG names and triple ugh. All they want is donations and for what?! I won't even get in to it. If your head isn't buried in the sand, you may already know. I did stumble across Children's Health Defense. It was like a homecoming! Finally, something intellectual, science based, mature, positive and oh so helpful.

If you are not familiar with CHD, its chairman "on leave" is the one and only Robert Kennedy Jr. This non profit organization is just one of the many, many contributions this man has made to help, improve and encourage our nation and even the world. I'll be blogging again about much more of his accomplishments.

Seeing how mainstream media just focuses on the negative aspects and fail to deliver any kind of real, factual, accomplishments this man has made, I feel I need to get out there and make sure people do know them. More about that later, too.

I'm very aware of the sacrifice, commitment and character of RFK Jr. and nearly cried when I read that he may be a candidate for President of the U.S. I feel like I've know this guy for years and I've seen and read the amazing things he does for America. Have you?

Joining Team Kennedy is going to be my contribution to my children. I'm showing them you have to do more than just complain and blah, blah, blah. You have to DO something. They will learn what it takes to make a country great. A neighborhood great. A household great and hopefully, I'll be giving them a brighter future.

If RFK Jr. would have this amazing opportunity, not only would America be a much better place, but through his guidance, knowledge, support and by example, the world would be a better place. Read more about Robert Kennedy's goals on the site and consider checking out Children's Health Defense if you want to learn more about Autism and much more. They make you feel like you're a part of the family. It's pretty special. I love listening to Tea Time while I work on my digital designs. Polly is so much like me! Crack the whip! You'll love the soothing voice of Dr. Paul and all of his wonderful advice. You'll get to meet a lot of amazing heroes. It's most inspiring!

I posted on FB that I was putting on my cape and freshening up my lipstick. Let's work together! Let's kick some ass and not only right the wrongs, but give our citizens back the land that used to be the example. The land full of resources, opportunity, creativity and compassion. Show support simply by signing up, donate, share links around to get the word out or volunteer in other ways.

We have to stand together no matter how hard they try to divide us. You know the line. Together we stand divided we ...

Grab you cape and let's go to work!

Autism Cuttables and a Free Printable That Might Just Make Your Life A Little Easier

Welcome to AuSumness where we get down to the nitty gritty when it comes to Autism.  We talk about the good, bad and the ugly all for the benefit of hopefully, helping our readers.

It seems most appropriate to write and or produce something geared towards Autism for April which is Autism Awareness month, though we believe everyday should be dedicated to this.

I'm in the middle of designing a collection dedicated to mental...issues?  I'm not sure what exactly sparked my Acute Anxiety Disorder, but that crap was heavy!  I might infer it was my kids and their Autism.  Having, let's face it, disabled kids is not easy at all.  Being a parent isn't easy.  The thought that my child will have to stay at home for the rest of his life is incredibly disheartening and a tough cookie to swallow.

Not all parents of Autistic kids will tell you that they wished their kids didn't have Autism, but I will. When I see other kids playing like I used to play.  Doing sport, like I used to or just being involved in things outside of the home, I get sad.  I wonder if my kids will ever get married.  If they will ever drive a car.  Ya know, the things most people eventually get around to doing.  My youngest won't even get an elementary degree despite his relatively extraordinary intellect and well, that one really gets my gander.

So in this collection, soon to be released there will be a dominating palette of black, white and grey.  I'm thinking that is how a lot of us feel most of the time.  Those of us who are dealing with depression, anxiety, Autism and or any other mental issues.  There is also a splash of vivid blue, purple, orange, yellow...because there are also colorful moments in between the gloom and uncertainty.

Future kit, Optimism and Bit's N' Pieces Template

I get frustrated about a lot of things in regards to my kids and their Autism and it comes out a bit cheeky at times and when I post, I always try to put a funny or bright spin to it.  There is enough crap going on in the world to bring us down and it's crucial that we don't drown in all of the negativity.  We have to keep coming up for air and we certainly do NOT want to bring others down with us.

I've recently been contacted by Michael whose site, LittleDoggiesRule has a particular article about The Top Benefits Of Getting An Emotional Support Dog.  If you're already a pet lover, you might already be aware of how awesome dogs can be in regards pepping us up when we're feeling down.  I've also blogged about pets and Autism is that interested you, click here.

My anxiety was mega intense in its early stages and I'm totally going to blog about that experience and what I've done to over come it because anxiety is a huge part of Autism for the family and all of its members.  Our dog definitely helps us out at times and what I personally find best, is I force myself to get outside and take him for a walk which is essential for both of our well beings.


Let me show you some fun and cheeky cuttables I recently designed as well as share a free tool that might and will hopefully make your life a little bit easier.

I call the above example, whimsical because it's a bit playful and fun.

This example is a bit more grown up.  So often, when it comes to Autism it's done with kids in mind and since my kids are now teenagers, I wanted a more sophisticated version, too.

These are the more colorful cards that you can purchase in my shop, Kreative Design Studio.  Print them out in your best quality and on good paper.  Then cut them out and keep them in your wallets or purses until you need them. 

These cards came in very handy when my boys were small and I can still use them for my youngest, though not as much.  I've learned quickly that a dose of humility goes a very long way when it comes to Autism.

I've got a variety of cards for you to use depending on the situation or just how raw you want to get.  I always recommend being the example as much as possible.  Do not be surprised if someone gives them back to you or even throws them on the ground.  Just try to keep on smiling and whenever possible kill them with kindness or wit.  I often go over the top with mushy cheer and delight in perhaps what some might call a melodramatic performance and it's always shut them right up.

You can use the cuttables for a variety of projects as you've seen.  Shirts, bags, notebooks, shoes, sneakers mugs, keychains, tumblers, backpacks...endless possibilities.  If you have a design request you can always contact me at: lmtroch@excite.com

In the bundle you will receive:

10 quotes in a whimsical font
10 quotes in the no nonsense font
1 poster on an 8x11 format saved in highest quality (double check your quality if you plan on enlarging it)
1 3x4 journal card in png format
1 8x11 page of cards with 3 different explanations (print as much as you like) in jpg format
Extra Bonus: puzzle heart, puzzle pieces in png format

All for just 5.99!

These cards are available for free.  I know how well they work in some tough situations.  Most people are more understanding once they know the situation.

You can check out my opinions throughout this blog.  There might be some helpful tips for you to try out as well.  Besides being a full time parent to two teens with Autism at opposite ends of the spectrum, I also have a Bachelor's Degree in Secondary Education, many years of teaching experience in various public and private education systems, a minor in psychology and I'm an avid reader in pursuit of making my family and my boy's lives as happy, fulfilling and healthy as possible.  I share anything that works or makes our lives easier.

If you are looking for more free tools, you can find stuff like this.  Some of my most popular posts are, "What NOT To Tell Parents With Autistic Children", "Tips For Feeding Sensory Disordered and Picky Eaters" and there's a lot more that might interest you.  We've also got a board on Pinterest and a group on FB.

Thanks so much for stopping my AuSumness.  We hope you'll find our resources useful and that you'll consider purchasing our cuttables from the Kreative Design Studio.

Best of luck with your Autistic endeavors and experiences.

Shine the Light on Autism

Welcome to AuSumness.

I'd like to share another story with you in hopes of shedding a little light, insight and perhaps lift your soul.  Parents who have Autistic kids need all of the soul lifting they can get, right?

Recently, JJ started karate.  We are over the moon and we've never seen JJ so enthusiastic about sport.  10 visits in and he still is crazy about karate.  We're fortunate enough that one of the trainers is even educated with special needs courses.

I have one of those over enthusiastic, extremely happy to see someone they know, fervent wavers. "Hi!" JJ shouts.  Then he turns to me and explains how he knows this person, but didn't know their name.  He does this with just as much excitement.

As it often occurs, the person to whom JJ is addressing completely ignores him.  So, he tries again to get a wave or acknowledgement.  "Hi!  I know you from karate.  Hi!"  In the typical fashion, the child turns around grudgingly and gives the weakest of smiles and is quick to advert their attention back to anything, but my child.

JJ with less enthusiasm says, "She didn't say anything?" The sparkle now gone from his beautiful, now sad eyes, face still flush from the warm gym and night's exercises.  My heart sinks to it's familiar low place and I turn and give him a princesse's smile filled with warmth and Disney magic and say, "Oh, no. She turned and smiled at you, JJ.  That's just another way to say hi.  It means the same thing."  Then I tightened my already loving grasp I had him in and kissed his forehead.

As we all know, the world can be a very cruel and cold place, but it can also be fun, loving and full of joy and generosity.  As in the example I just shared.  I reminded JJ of the bright side with a warm heartfelt explanation and loving cuddle and kiss. It is these perhaps more rare, but shining moments that we need to focus on and it is essential that we teach our children, through example to focus on these moments.

Equally important, we cannot let other's bad attitudes bring us down.  It's not always easy finding the silver lining, but it is always there.  I've begun making it a point, to enthusiastically greet people. Especially, ones I don't know.  I started greeting people as if I've known them forever.  Offering a warm, heartfelt smile and the friendliest of friendly, "hello's".

The reactions have been mixed.  Mostly, I receive nothing in return.  Occasionally, I get a sideways glance with an incredulous look from the corner of an eye.  Rarely is a smile received, but even less rare is a look of matched enthusiasm!  A warm, almost relieving look of appreciation.  Their eyes tell me, "Thank you so much for acknowledging my existence."

I'll tell you what.  I will go through dozens of those not so positive reactions for just one of appreciation and thanks.  My heart will lift, as will their's and the world, if only for a moment will be in a good place, again.  I'll not let it bring me down if I'm ignored.  It will further encourage me.

I explained to JJ several times that everyone is different.  Not everyone is flowing with joy, happiness and delight.  Bummer, right?!  We should never let someone's darkness steal our light.  We don't wish to join them in their sad abyss.  We need not question why they are as they are.  We might feel a touch sad for THEM, but certainly feel no sorrow for ourselves.  Keep smiling.  Keep spreading the light. Especially, in the darkest of storms.

UPDATE: The coach obviously knows nothing about special needs. JJ stayed a white belt for nearly three years because he couldn't get through the test at the end and JJ gave up. I can't even begin to explain just how pissed/hurt and disgusted he was. These emotions lasted for days and I don't know about him, but I'm still uber pissed!!!

We need to come up with more social and sport activities for kids with Autism!

I've Just Been Told Someone Has Autism, Now What?

Welcome to Ausumness.

It's been a long time since I've made an entry.

Things are going pretty well and I've started a new venture that is extremely time consuming.  Dividing my time has proven difficult.  I bet you've also bitten off more than you can chew a few times.

I can't, in my heart, stop with this blog.  Even if I only periodically make entries.  My goal is to inform, educate and support educators, care takers and parents who are involved with Autism or for those curious.

I'm sharing a recent post I made on Facebook, that got a lovely reception and apparently, helped a few friends.  There is nothing I love better than helping.  This is one tough battle to fight and no one should have to do it alone.  Read, search, find help, explore, TRY and you really will find answers.  Things really can get better.  You certainly CAN eliminate or reduce problematic symptoms in a variety of fashions at no cost.  Never, ever stop trying to make your life or the people in your life who have Autism easier, more enjoyable or at the very least, tolerable.

This is what I wrote:

"Do you ever wonder why people "warn" or rather "inform" you that their children or whomever have Autism? I was just thinking, how I often enlighten strangers that my children have Autism, but got to thinking what that might mean to someone who doesn't know how to respond to that. 

What it means for us is, have a little or at times, a lot of patience. Try not to stare or give discouraging looks because it will make things a lot worse. Do not judge any of us. (Leave the judging for the dude upstairs.) Give us space. Try to learn from the experience. If you hear something that displeases you, ignore it. Don't take it personally. Don't assume that they can think like you. Try to be sympathetic because you only have to deal with the situation temporarily while we have to deal with it a life time."

One of my friends responded to the post, grateful and explained that her son was having such terrible difficulty in school.  The teachers and students were mean to him.  I responded with this:

"I SO understand what you are going through. As a parent and teacher, I'm absolutely disgusted and frankly disturbed that teachers do not receive a LOT more "workshops" or education on how to deal with kids with special needs. I read, read, read. Even though my kids go to a special school, I had to "school" the staff. I go to meetings with an arsenal of information that is useful and essential for the TEACHER. I give them ammo to use, when things get tricky and share tips on how "not" to do things so that issues don't even arise. The good teachers, who realise that this is not a criticism, but a very useful tool are typically grateful and huge improvements are attained."

Think of things that work at home and they may also work at school.  By all means, do not assume the teacher has been properly instructed on how to deal with Autism.  Some teachers mean well and truly love their students, but do not have a clue about special needs.  Help and nurture them and they will do the same with your children.

I hope you've found this useful.  I've got a Pinterest board for Autism, where you might find more tips.  I have a very quiet group on FB if you are interested.  

Thanks for visiting Ausumness. 

Teaching And Autism

Welcome to AuSumness.

When we're not talking about the awesome side of autism then we're looking for awesome ways to deal with the sometimes difficult symptoms of autism.

Today, we're going to start talking about teaching children with autism and we plan on bringing more and more tips to help teachers do their job to their best ability as well as provide links for further eduction.

Speaking of further education, through my own personal, professional experience.  I probably learned the most about "how" to teach after university, through further education classes whilst being a teacher.  It is crucial that we continue to read and research the best ways to teach our children and students.  It's also very important that we share our findings.  Especially, the ones with positive outcomes.

There are a lot of tools out there and we need to find and disperse them throughout the teaching community and to families where the methods will also work.  Let's start right here, today!

I'm dismayed at how little education college students receive about special needs students.  With the ever increasing rate of children diagnosed with autism and ADHD it should be mandatory that higher education establishments as well as all schools begin giving teachers and future teachers the tools necessary to successfully and professionally educate students with special needs. This is even more crucial when special need students are sitting in regular classes.

Would you give a $50 steak to someone who doesn't even know how to turn on a stove?

I saw a lot of beginning teachers struggle with children who didn't even have special needs or any kind of Individual Education Program.  The school staff should work together to see that all teachers have the basic knowledge of how to teach and how to deal with disruptive and difficult behaviour.  This would result in better performing teachers as well as less interruptions in the class, benefiting the class as well.

Higher education should definitely be in the forefront of equipping their students with the best tools to use in the classrooms or work environments.  How to effectively communicate and deal with difficult or different people.  These institutions should be the leading example.  So much research that is done throughout the world on education is being ignored or dismissed despite the positive outcomes.

Things like uniforms, separating the sexes, free time, meal time, school start time...so many schools are doing it all wrong.  We keep thinking we have to reinvent the wheel rather than look over the fence and see what our neighbours are doing that is working.  

What I'm also finding is that many of these skills will work with ALL people, not just those who fall on the spectrum.  We will all become better equipped to deal with day to day situations by learning how to deal with difficult or different behaviours.

If no one is holding your hand and guiding you, then take the reins and do it yourself!  There is a wealth of information out there.  It's literally right there at our finger tips.  When we find awesome stuff that works, we need to share it.  Share it with your friends and family.  Share it with your colleagues.

Let's make it our goal to educate ourself and those around us.  Let's share information when it's helpful.  Let's look into how our neighbours are doing it and see if it might work for us, too.  Let's show the world, through our example.

We'll be coming back to this subject very often.  Next time, we start sharing tips that work in the class as well as at home.

Thanks for giving AuSumness your time.  If you'd like to join our friendly group on Facebook, click here.

Best of luck!

Autism and Gaming

Welcome to AuSumness.

I've got some pretty awesome information for you today.  I'm giving a couple of tips that have helped this entire family tremendously.  I have touched on it before, but there are a few modifications and considerations that were not in the previous entries.

Check out my chore charts I've designed for both of my boys.  As you can see they are at totally different levels of capability due to their position on the spectrum with my oldest falling higher on the scale and my youngest, much lower even though they are only a year apart.

I know there are a lot of folks out there dealing with all of the gizmos of today.  My hubby included!  Hehehe...We have learned how to "use" their desire to play on these contraptions for all of our benefit.  I found myself, in the beginning, being too easy on my boys when it came to chores.  Then after further thought, knew no one would benefit by me not teaching them how to care for themselves, their pets and their surroundings.

Even though it is extremely difficult and sometimes we try chores that just don't work, we do keep expanding our duties list.  Duties!  Hehehe...We get grumbles.  We get shouted at, but for this, we keep it black and white.  If your chores are not finished, you do NOT play games.  THE END.  You cannot falter with this.  Especially, in the beginning.

Allow me to explain how this might possibly work in your household, too.  When a conversation is started about chores, it is highly possible that the child is not listening to begin with.  There will more than likely be a barrage of complaining and excuses.  Like a machine gun, for sure!  Hehehe...

With a written list of what needs to be, there need be no discussion or even talking for that matter.  In an earlier entry, I mentioned our usage of timers with the boys for playing games.  (They get an hour.)  When we first told them time was up, we'd get bombarded with swearing and attitude.  When the alarm goes off...nothing.  They finish up their level (that one took a while for them to figure out) and put their games in their proper place.  THE END.  We were totally stoked at this very easy solution.

Perhaps like your family member(s), ours don't really like being "told" what to do, but when it's written like my lists here, all I have to do is point or shoot a look in the direction where these hang in the living room.

You may want to experiment with what you put on the list.  I totally recommend starting off WAY small and WAY easy to ease them into the concept.  My kids would freak if there were more than two things on the list.  So, we started with one and it was really easy.  After a few months, you add and or change to more difficult chores depending on your child's capabilities.

Ya just have to give this one a try.  

A couple more things I'd like to throw in here.  Kids really shouldn't be playing games more than an hour a day for health reasons.  A lot of reasons and deep down, we all really know that.  I think one hour is not long at all, but I find one hour at a time ok.  On weekends they get more time, but only ever one hour in one sitting.  We really want them to understand that games are not healthy and are meant to be just fun.  They need to know they don't "need" games, but may enjoy them when they've earned that game time.

Here's another VERY important tip for you.  Keep all electronics out of the bedroom or at least make sure they are turned completely off.  Phones and hand held gadgets should be taken out of the room one hour before bed time and there should be no devices one hour before bed time.  It has to do with the release of serotonin (in the brain) and when the body is preparing to go to sleep.  You may want to try this yourself.  People sleep much better when there are no devices in the room.

I wanted to keep this short!  Hehehe...So much for that, but it is just so, so important and I know many of you are dealing with the gizmos.  Use them to all of your advantage.

Keep it black and white.  The chores are ALL finished, then they may game.  Not finished, no games. This leaves no room for arguing and less headaches.  No games before 8 am.  This way they stay in bed longer and get more sleep.  No games or devices one hour before bedtime.  

When you keep it simple and stick to your guns, there will be no war.  Hehehe...

I designed this chart a while back and you can download it for free by clicking on the image.

If this is the first time you're visiting our blog, you may want to see this helpful chart as well.  We've got a few free printables throughout the blog.

Come join our group on Facebook and let's all try to figure out how we can improve our lives and make autism AuSum.

A Different Way Of Thinking and Autism

Welcome to AuSumness.

Today, I'm going to show off my other passion, scrapbooking and go into thoughts I've had and discoveries I've made with my boys and their different ways of thinking.  It might help you, too.

At AuSumness, our goal is to try and help those who work with or have family members and or friends with autism.  We are not "professionals" per sae.  I do have a degree in the Social Sciences and over a decade of teaching experience and I have two boys who sit at different levels on the spectrum.  I read like crazy and try to arm myself with the best methods of dealing with the many symptoms of autism.  I want to share my discoveries in hopes of helping others in the same situation.

We want to help people find the awesome in autism and we want to supply you with awesome ways to live with autism.

My husband was just telling me the other day, that we are so bombarded with all of this information, in general and with autism and we're rarely given solutions.  That's why we are here.  Not to just tell you what you probably already know, but to suggest things that might make your life and your loved ones with autism, easier.

Presently, I'm on "vacation" and I've had a bit of a "eureka!" moment.  I've always known that my kids think nothing like we do, which makes everything so much harder.  One line I hear again and again and you probably do too, is "they have to learn".  I'm not sure why this line drives me even more nuts, but I'm sure it stems from the whole different ways of thinking that autistic people do.

Here's the story...

My husband went walking through the mountains with my oldest son, who sits higher on the spectrum.  They've been on this trail before and my hubs wanted to see if my son could get them to their destination without help.  He did ok, but they got to a point where he wasn't sure and my husband told him to look around and see if he recognised something.  His response, "Oh, yeah!  I recognise the moss on that rock."

For most of us, we would notice the larger more noticeable things or perhaps the juxtaposition of the sun in the sky.  For many people with autism, they see the tiny details, while we focus on the larger picture.  As we know, socialisation is a very difficult skill to master for some folks with autism.  We were taught or perhaps it's even inherent that we learn through looking at others, but my boys just don't seem to get this.

I might assume that has everything to do with focusing on "other" things rather than the actual behaviour.  If I say to either of my sons, "Look at that man, there.  How he's doing that."  They might not notice the actual skill I'm wanting them to see and perhaps learn, but that he's missed a hole while lacing his shoe or that he has more eyelashes on one lid than the other.

My husband asked my son if he should leave this night or early in the morning.  I saw the hurt look on my husband's face when my son responded, "tonight".  Then he asked why and my son responded, "Because tonight I can kiss you before you leave and tomorrow I'll still be sleeping and can't kiss you goodbye."  I mean, how sweet is that?  What a different way to think about the situation and how different it is than what "we" might think.

Things are much more difficult with my younger son.  He's not very verbal and his language skills are very, very low so communication is already difficult to begin with.  Couple the difficulties of communication with this other way of thinking and things can get very difficult for "us".

I'm hoping after reading this, you might also have a "eureka!" moment or when you notice odd behaviour or hear something odd or maybe even painful, that you stop and consider that they may be looking at things completely different and they are expecting a completely different reaction from you then what you would consider from their perspective.

Don't be afraid to ask why they thought or said that.  My youngest just hates questions, but we still keep asking.  Try to be as patient and kind as possible.  It will certainly give you better results.  You may also want to consider out side of the box thinking in order to understand your children better.  At the very least, understand that the wiring of their brain is completely different than yours and try your best not to make it personal.

You know the saying, "seeing the wood for the trees".  Consider it when you're having troubling moments and try to see things how they are and how they are for that person.

I'm sure it is equally as frustrating for them as it is for us that we never think like they do.

I hope this was helpful for you and I wish you the best of luck.

Last week, I had a helpful, free printable for you.  It might help with emotional overload and give you guidance to help your friends, family and loved ones with autism or just in general.

Click on the image to get to last week's blog.  If you are interested, you could join our group on Facebook and as always, feel free to leave any helpful links in the comments.

Gift Giving And Autism

Welcome to AuSumness.

Autism isn't always awesome, but there sure are many attributes that give people with autism something special and unique.  For me, one of the best things about autism is how it makes me look at everything differently.  Certainly, outside of the box thinking is required and I feel like I'm improving a lot as a person because both my boys have autism.

Last week, we got into different ways that friends and family can help us and our kids.  I shared a story about my mother-in-law getting a bit emotional when JJ totally freaked at the money gift he received.  I'm talking full blown melt down.

My mother-in-law took it personal.  You should never take it personal. One of the biggest problems that people with autism have is inappropriate social behaviour.  My children are rarely grateful for the gift they receive despite us teaching them that they should be.  We show them by example continuously and it just doesn't help.  As with so many other things.  If that's something all parents go through, is the constant repetition in the correction of behaviour.  How many of you have to say, "Honey, stay seated while we we're eating"?  Seriously, we've been saying this for over a decade now and at least 5 times for every meal.

All right!  We've said not to take it personal, but that doesn't mean that you have to ignore the behaviour either.  Of course, if you're not going to say something helpful, then ignoring them would be best.  Hehehehe...However, there certainly isn't anything wrong with letting that person know that your feelings are hurt by their reaction.  Just don't expect that you will get an apology.

Remember, some people need TIME to get used to a new gift.  My youngest certainly falls into this category.  He might throw a present and even hide it, but three days later, he goes to bed with it and can't put it down.  JJ needs time to look at it, feel it, even taste it before he can begin to appreciate it.  So please, if you get a negative response when giving a gift, don't take it to heart.  Tomorrow, they just might LOVE it.

I would totally recommend asking that person or the parent what a suitable gift might be.  Especially, if ya think you're going to be upset at a negative reaction.

Last week I suggested that you should consider not making someone else's behaviour all about yourself.  I certainly don't blame the gift giver for my child's reaction to a present.

I've written a blog on giving and going to a special needs party. If you're interested in that, click here.

Hopefully our tips and explanations will help smooth things out and make everyone's life a bit less stressful.

Thanks for stopping by.  If you'd like to join me and some of my other friend's whose children have autism, hit up our group on Facebook.

Best of luck!

Autism And Emotions Printable

Welcome to AuSumness.

We're back with what we hope is another helpful edition to your arsenal of brilliant ideas on how to deal with symptoms of autism.  Download our free printable and help your friends, family or students when they are having problems with emotion overload.

As many of you know, emotions and social interactions can be very challenging for those with autism.  At times it can be difficult for some to understand and many times we're left shaking our heads, not having an idea what to do with all of this anger, sadness or even happiness.

Take a look at this helpful chart.  Print it out, laminate it and hang it in a place that's easy to access.  Remind the person in need of help of the chart.  Bring it to them, point to it or stand them in front of it.  Whatever method will help best with that particular person.

Right click and save to your downloads.

Right click and save to your downloads.

I've got two different versions for you.  Choose the one you need or take both.

Consider changing the subject and use distraction if none of the above steps work.  That one works wonders for our youngest.  If you can give the person time to vent or cry, than do that, too as long as they are not being destructive.  We spoke about destructive behaviour in a previous blog.

Thanks so much for joining us, today!  We've got a group on Facebook where you can chat with other people who have autistic children.  I've also got a board on Pinterest dedicated to Autism.

Best of luck!

How You Can Help Friends and Family With Autistic or Special Needs Children

Welcome to AuSumness!

On our road to finding the awesome in Autism, we often come across bumps or even broken bridges. We sometimes meander down dark roads, but it's essential to keep looking for the light.  We hope, through our entries on this blog to give encouragement, help and to let you know, you are not alone.

Last week, we talked about the destructive side of autism.  Today, we're looking at ways that friends and family can help us with our autistic children.

Acceptance:  For us, things started getting a lot better when people started accepting that our children have Autism.  We were continuously accused, by those we loved, that we were spoiling our children or not feeding them properly or they were not getting enough sleep or the worst, "they just HAVE to learn".

Especially, when a diagnosis has been given, it's time to take off the gloves and jump in and help.  Having children with special needs is incredibly taxing.  Mentally, physically and emotionally draining to the point where the parents or caregivers can become sick themselves.

Sympathy:  It's always nice to hear, "I can't even imagine what it would be like" or "It must be very difficult".  This is so much better than, suck it up, life goes on or everyone's got it rough..."  The chances are, those parents are hearing that from most other people anyway, so let's mix it up.  It's often relieving to hear these things.  The other things just infuriate or exasperate already spent emotions.

Don't take it personally:  This is a big one and I'll try my best to explain.  Often, autistic people can say things that might hurt your feelings or act in a way that makes YOU feel uncomfortable.  Never do this.  Do not let it get to you.  It's not an excuse and there certainly isn't anything wrong letting that person know, that you feel sad, unloved or embarrassed, but do not expect them to understand.

For example, I thought my mother-in-law might cry when my son got very upset at her choice of gifts.  For one, I told her I'd be happy to buy things I know he likes and she could reimburse me.  I've reminded her that money gifts are not well accepted and that most of the time, the boys need TIME to get to know their gifts before they start liking them.  Which brings us to the next tip.

Listen:  Listening is something we can all do better.  Take notes if you have to.  If you are going to ask about things you can do to help, make sure you listen to what they say.  When your friends are venting, zone in on things that really bother them and see if there might be a way to step in.  Sometimes just listening silently is helpful.

Ignore unpleasant behaviour:  If only most people would do this.  Look at the bigger picture.  How are evil stares or even complaints, going to change anything?  Just focus on the parents and give them your attention, not the child's.  Ignoring ill behaviour can even be advantageous at times.

Patience:  It is very, very difficult for some parents of autistic children to give you, their full attention.  It might not even be safe to do that.  Try your best not to think of yourself if you find you're in a position like this.  I know many friends and family cannot stand the constant interruption of my kids or me having to stop conversation to address a problem.  It bothers us, too.  It bothers us that we can't sit and speak for even just a couple of minutes without interruption and it also bothers us that our friends and family get upset when this happens.

Offer to babysit:  I realise, that this one is a doozy.  For many parents and caretakers of those with special needs a babysitter is not even an option!  For years my husband and I couldn't go out or rather, get away from all of the chaos, sadness and uncertainty.  Not even for a few hours.  There are very few people out there wanting to fill our shoes and have these kids for a couple of hours.  I totally get it.  If it is something that you absolutely could never dream of, then don't offer.

Include:  Another thing one might not consider that parents and caregivers of special needs kids go through is inclusion.  My high functioning son gets to do a lot of outside activities.  He goes to parties, stays the night with friends and does sports, but my youngest has NEVER slept at a friend's house and when my older son's friends come to play JJ is often not included in their games.  There are very little groups or extra curricular activities for special needs kids.  If there is ever an opportunity for you to include that person, then it would certainly be appreciated.  It would be an excellent learning experience for that person and it would be one fine example to others.

So many times, people assume that the autistic person is not listening or realise what's going on around them, but it is more than likely that they are.  Many autistic people do not look into your eyes or at you or do anything for you to know that they are paying attention and or following the conversation.  Do not act as if they are not there.  It's insulting and it hurts which is how you might also feel by their lack of interaction with you.  Talking about them, with them right there, in a negative way is a big time no, no.

Try your best not to take it personal.  Try to not make it all about you.

No pity party, please:  When I asked around to other friends who have special needs children, they were pretty passionate about their kid's uniqueness and do not consider it in any way shape or form as something negative.  Though, I do not feel the same, I can see why some might look at it like this.  Some folks feel like they were chosen to have children like this.  Can't say I agree with that either, but we all look at things differently and it is something to consider when approaching people about the issue.

I hope these tips have been helpful.  If you have anything helpful to add, join our group on Facebook or leave something positive in the comments.

Best of luck!

The Destructive Side of Autism

Welcome to AuSumness.

We're looking into the destructiveness that can often be a symptom on the ASD scale.  We'll share some of our stories and things that have worked to eliminate some of this behaviour.

The images I've provided is not even a tip of the iceberg when it comes to the destruction of this place.  Our couches sway in the middle from the unending jumping up and down.  The leather has been used in place of art paper several times.  I hang a large, dark blanket over it and I refuse to buy new ones until this stage is over.  (Still waiting...)

We have replaced FIVE beds also from excessive jumping.  They either don't make things like they used to or we've got a real problem here.

If any kinds of tools are left around, they will be gladly and vigorously used as destructive weapons.  Even toy tools!  Shortly after painting my son's room for the third time in 2 years, he used a wooden, toy hammer on the freshly painted walls.  My, when you leave your child unattended for just a few shorts minutes?!  You want to give them freedom and need to leave them alone at times, but these are the things that can happen.

Our hamster was even stepped on and killed!  He laughed like crazy while I cried and was so upset.  I kept thinking, "I'm raising a monster!" You talk about a warning sign!  I suppose that is another entry, entirely.

We live in Europe and over here, the walls are very NOT perfect and therefore, wall paper is the usual wall covering.  As you can see by some of my images here, wall paper and my autistic children do not combine well.

Writing on on my $50 a roll wall paper was a very common occurrence, for years.  We purchased an older house that needed restoration and slowly we made it to the bathroom.  We put so much love and care into this very used room and after two weeks, the walls were scribbled on.  I read and read, trying to find a way to get rid of this scribble and nothing worked.  Finally, after years of the sun shining through the window (maybe would not have taken that long if we had more sun.  Hehehe...) it's finally nearly faded. Of course, 10 years later, the entire bathroom needs re-doing!  Ugh!

I just leave this stuff for the most part.  I refuse to keep re purchasing all of these materials and re doing all of this work.

Another huge decorating mistake I made was this wall paper with a motif.  Both of my boys just love to pick at it.  Well, they used to.

This must have been the 6th time I've replaced and re wall papered the hall only to have the paper picked at just a couple of days later.  You can punish all you like.  You can beg for them not to do this, but it still goes on.

At least I found a cheap, fast and easy solution for wall paper glue.  Just take any kind of powder starch and mix it with a bit of water, stir and apply to your paper.  I have a tiny brush I use for quick fixes.

Here is an excellent fix to the peeling of wall paper.  It's fibreglass wall covering that you paint over.  It covers the imperfections in the wall, including hammer indentations, is fire retardant and can be painted over again and again for scribbles.  It's absolutely ideal for in our house.

I'm slowly going back around the house and using this fibreglass paper in every room.

Our youngest has Pica which is yet another symptom on the ASD scale.  It's when non food items are consumed.  JJ just loves squishy, soft foamy things to chew on and I have had to replace our bathroom squeegee half a dozen times before I started putting it out of eye and hands reach for him.

You can see the bite marks and the little pieces that were chewed off.  It's much better than the rusty nails and rocks that he used to chew and consume.

What works best for this kind of behaviour, that we have found, is relentless watching, reprimanding and even more effective, nipping it in the bud!  We often have to be very specific as to why this kind of behaviour is not tolerated nor healthy!  Let them know they can get sick or remind them of the times that they were in fact sick from consuming something inedible.

Another helpful trick is make them clean it up or fix it.  Of course, my kids are not at a stage where this is possible, but I sure do try and sit back and watch them try.  Then I make them sit on their butts and see how I fix it and they have to stay seated there until I'm finished so they see how long it takes and the kind of work it takes.  I told them, I'm taking money from their piggy bank the next time I have to buy wall paper.  Hehehe...

I still can't keep my youngest from jumping very energetically on his bed or the couch no matter what we try.  I've told gruesome stories of blood and carnage from accidents of people jumping on furniture and that doesn't help either.  Hehehe...I suppose it's this inability to not give into urges even when they know it is wrong.

I thought having swings inside and letting them ride their scooters inside might help with other physical destruction, but to no avail.  Getting them out swimming all morning, going hiking and many other activities still does not curb this urge, which more than likely comes from stress and or over stimulation.

Of course self destructive behaviour is also an occurrence and I cannot honestly say that my children never hit, punch, push or hurt each other either.

Consider these things:

*be vigilant whenever possible

*keep them busy

*start correcting immediately

*the sooner the better

*get help

*become aware of anger cues

*help with methods to calm down

*use positive reinforcement where you can

*anticipate and avoid triggers for destructive behaviour

*problem solve with them

*consider meds, but understand they are not cured, the meds simply "hide" the problem

I found this article to have a lot of useful information for steps parents can take to help with destruction.

Destruction is serious.  It can lead to future problems and it needs to be addressed as soon as possible.

I hope this entry has been helpful for you.  If you know of any excellent resources on this subject, leave a link in the comments.

Best of luck!