Shine the Light on Autism

Welcome to AuSumness.

I'd like to share another story with you in hopes of shedding a little light, insight and perhaps lift your soul.  Parents who have Autistic kids need all of the soul lifting they can get, right?

Recently, JJ started karate.  We are over the moon and we've never seen JJ so enthusiastic about sport.  10 visits in and he still is crazy about karate.  We're fortunate enough that one of the trainers is even educated with special needs courses.

I have one of those over enthusiastic, extremely happy to see someone they know, fervent wavers. "Hi!" JJ shouts.  Then he turns to me and explains how he knows this person, but didn't know their name.  He does this with just as much excitement.

As it often occurs, the person to whom JJ is addressing completely ignores him.  So, he tries again to get a wave or acknowledgement.  "Hi!  I know you from karate.  Hi!"  In the typical fashion, the child turns around grudgingly and gives the weakest of smiles and is quick to advert their attention back to anything, but my child.

JJ with less enthusiasm says, "She didn't say anything?" The sparkle now gone from his beautiful, now sad eyes, face still flush from the warm gym and night's exercises.  My heart sinks to it's familiar low place and I turn and give him a princesse's smile filled with warmth and Disney magic and say, "Oh, no. She turned and smiled at you, JJ.  That's just another way to say hi.  It means the same thing."  Then I tightened my already loving grasp I had him in and kissed his forehead.

As we all know, the world can be a very cruel and cold place, but it can also be fun, loving and full of joy and generosity.  As in the example I just shared.  I reminded JJ of the bright side with a warm heartfelt explanation and loving cuddle and kiss. It is these perhaps more rare, but shining moments that we need to focus on and it is essential that we teach our children, through example to focus on these moments.

Equally important, we cannot let other's bad attitudes bring us down.  It's not always easy finding the silver lining, but it is always there.  I've begun making it a point, to enthusiastically greet people. Especially, ones I don't know.  I started greeting people as if I've known them forever.  Offering a warm, heartfelt smile and the friendliest of friendly, "hello's".

The reactions have been mixed.  Mostly, I receive nothing in return.  Occasionally, I get a sideways glance with an incredulous look from the corner of an eye.  Rarely is a smile received, but even less rare is a look of matched enthusiasm!  A warm, almost relieving look of appreciation.  Their eyes tell me, "Thank you so much for acknowledging my existence."

I'll tell you what.  I will go through dozens of those not so positive reactions for just one of appreciation and thanks.  My heart will lift, as will their's and the world, if only for a moment will be in a good place, again.  I'll not let it bring me down if I'm ignored.  It will further encourage me.

I explained to JJ several times that everyone is different.  Not everyone is flowing with joy, happiness and delight.  Bummer, right?!  We should never let someone's darkness steal our light.  We don't wish to join them in their sad abyss.  We need not question why they are as they are.  We might feel a touch sad for THEM, but certainly feel no sorrow for ourselves.  Keep smiling.  Keep spreading the light. Especially, in the darkest of storms.

UPDATE: The coach obviously knows nothing about special needs. JJ stayed a white belt for nearly three years because he couldn't get through the test at the end and JJ gave up. I can't even begin to explain just how pissed/hurt and disgusted he was. These emotions lasted for days and I don't know about him, but I'm still uber pissed!!!

We need to come up with more social and sport activities for kids with Autism!

Stop Taking It Personally and Autism

Welcome to AuSumness.

Just sharing a little Autism anecdote with perspective. 

JJ was helping with chores outside when he fell off of a retaining wall. (A common symptom of Autism is the inability to multi task and this does include walking, thinking, looking...all at the same time. Don't even ask why many Autistic peeps cannot ride a bike.). 

Knowing just how hemophobic JJ is, I quickly addressed the situation. Letting him know there was hardly any blood, he was helping me so wonderfully and that he certainly could have a sweet once I've cleaned and dressed the injury.

The power of diversion has proven helpful in many situations. 

Once his breathing was stable, tablet was in hand and he was comfortably relaxing on the couch,eyes fixed on his tiny screen, he said with indifference, "Mom, you're not always useless." 

After a few seconds of shock, I realized that this was actually a complement and thought worth sharing. 

So many discrepancies are caused by the inability to communicate in a way which is fully comprehended. So before presuming an assumption be certain that you've received the correct intension either with further thought or by nicely asking if the perceived assumption is indeed true or simply ask for a different explanation.

Communication is very difficult for a lot of people with Autism and when ya think about, it is for most everyone.  Hehehe...We all could start not taking everything people say so personally.  My oldest son often shouts at me.  It's difficult not shouting back and it does upset me.  Sometimes to tears, but when you look at it in it's rawest form, it's just misplaced anger. It certainly isn't right and it's not very nice, but I won't let it bother me.  

I sure as heck will let my son know that I do not appreciate being shouted at and as always will remind him how he reacts when someone shouts at him and how it makes him feel. It is very, very important to let people how their behavior makes your feel, but I recommend doing it nicely.

Thanks for stopping by AuSumness.  Scroll through our other useful entires like this one about thinking outside of the box with your Autistic kids, students or family :

http://au-sumness.blogspot.com/2017/03/a-different-way-of-thinking-and-autism.html

Here's an entry with a free printable that. might help kids deal with emotional meltdown:

http://au-sumness.blogspot.com/2017/02/autism-and-emotions-printable.html

And one of our most popular posts about socializing:

http://au-sumness.blogspot.com/2016/09/autism-and-socialising.html

Thank you for stopping by our blog and best of luck with your dealings with Autism.

Explicit Attention Taken For Lack of Regard and Autism

Happy Sunday, Lovely People.

I thought I might share a little more about our experience with Autism in hopes of enlightening you in a direction which may still harbor shadows. 

JJ is very, very clumsy as are many people dealing with symptoms of Autism. I would infer that it's due to the explicit attention to one thing (that most of us do naturally or even innately). 

When JJ is cruising down a path on his scooter he has little, what might appear to be regard, for others also on that path. Some might grumble and think it rude, that this child does not ride more thoughtfully when actually ALL of his thought is concentrated on riding that step. 

It is very much like a toddler who is just learning to walk. They are concentrating so much on their wonderfully moving legs, that they do not focus on where it is they are going. I've learned to be more patient of people who "appear" to be thoughtless in their juxtaposition to me and others and I hope you will, too. 

Keep in mind, we all have different ways of thinking and some of our brains are wired differently than others.  Either way, kindness is always the best response.  Especially, when it's difficult.  You just never know what those people's shoes have walked through.

This world could certainly use more patience, understanding and kindness.

Take our tips and apply them to your everyday life.  Be the example.

Thanks for checking out Ausumness!

I've Just Been Told Someone Has Autism, Now What?

Welcome to Ausumness.

It's been a long time since I've made an entry.

Things are going pretty well and I've started a new venture that is extremely time consuming.  Dividing my time has proven difficult.  I bet you've also bitten off more than you can chew a few times.

I can't, in my heart, stop with this blog.  Even if I only periodically make entries.  My goal is to inform, educate and support educators, care takers and parents who are involved with Autism or for those curious.

I'm sharing a recent post I made on Facebook, that got a lovely reception and apparently, helped a few friends.  There is nothing I love better than helping.  This is one tough battle to fight and no one should have to do it alone.  Read, search, find help, explore, TRY and you really will find answers.  Things really can get better.  You certainly CAN eliminate or reduce problematic symptoms in a variety of fashions at no cost.  Never, ever stop trying to make your life or the people in your life who have Autism easier, more enjoyable or at the very least, tolerable.

This is what I wrote:

"Do you ever wonder why people "warn" or rather "inform" you that their children or whomever have Autism? I was just thinking, how I often enlighten strangers that my children have Autism, but got to thinking what that might mean to someone who doesn't know how to respond to that. 

What it means for us is, have a little or at times, a lot of patience. Try not to stare or give discouraging looks because it will make things a lot worse. Do not judge any of us. (Leave the judging for the dude upstairs.) Give us space. Try to learn from the experience. If you hear something that displeases you, ignore it. Don't take it personally. Don't assume that they can think like you. Try to be sympathetic because you only have to deal with the situation temporarily while we have to deal with it a life time."

One of my friends responded to the post, grateful and explained that her son was having such terrible difficulty in school.  The teachers and students were mean to him.  I responded with this:

"I SO understand what you are going through. As a parent and teacher, I'm absolutely disgusted and frankly disturbed that teachers do not receive a LOT more "workshops" or education on how to deal with kids with special needs. I read, read, read. Even though my kids go to a special school, I had to "school" the staff. I go to meetings with an arsenal of information that is useful and essential for the TEACHER. I give them ammo to use, when things get tricky and share tips on how "not" to do things so that issues don't even arise. The good teachers, who realise that this is not a criticism, but a very useful tool are typically grateful and huge improvements are attained."

Think of things that work at home and they may also work at school.  By all means, do not assume the teacher has been properly instructed on how to deal with Autism.  Some teachers mean well and truly love their students, but do not have a clue about special needs.  Help and nurture them and they will do the same with your children.

I hope you've found this useful.  I've got a Pinterest board for Autism, where you might find more tips.  I have a very quiet group on FB if you are interested.  

Thanks for visiting Ausumness.